The zoo

Addidas and Nancy arrived at the zoo. It was late. The animals were asleep, but Addidas and Nancy knew that at least one animal was still awake: the panda, in distress. The zookeeper, a young Christian girl from Iowa who loved her mother and her father, ran out to greet the ILSMs. Billi, who did not believe in homosexuality, felt a strange desire to throw her arms around Addidas and ask her to take her for a ride on her motorcycle. But she didn't.

"Addidas, thank the heavens you are back. The dolphins are so grateful for the rainpants you provided them with this morning." Addidas said nothing. "We zookeeprs had never thought of how terrible it must be for a dolphin to be constantly submerged under water. We always assumed it was in Jesus' plan. But, Jesus is not spiteful. Not toward dolphins. Jesus did not intend for dolphins to be wet, all of the time." Nancy laughed. Billi did not understand why.

Addidas scoffed. "Billi, this is no time to be talking about dolphins or rainpants. There is a panda in distress."

"My bad," said Billi, in an unconvincing attempt to seem cool. She turned and grimaced as she led Addidas to the Panda cage. Nancy followed closely behind, and she could not help but notice how Addidas's bottom would bounce like a couple of hams. If Addidas had any butt cheeks.

They reached the Panda cage. Inside, the Panda was pacing back and forth, until it noticed the three ladies. Suddenly, it charged the cage, growning in the most pitiful manner. "We can't figure out what's wrong with him!!" said Billi. Nancy approached the cage, "well, it could be some kind of hormonal dis . . ." Suddenly, Addidas silenced the room with one gesture. She pulled out a cocaine and vodka laced cigarette and passed it to the Panda. With a look of utter relief, the Panda grasped the cigarette and lit up, immediately collapsing and letting out an orgasmic sigh.

Suddenly, Nancy realized the Panda's dilemma. It was obvious.. the answer, right there in front of them like a ticking time bomb. That's because it was, in fact, a ticking time bomb. "There's a bomb in the panda," she shouted.