Ou est ma brassiere ?

Nancy strapped on her helmet and mounted her motorcycle. Her leather jacket embraced her perfectly sculpted arms and breasts, much like Addidas had done only moments earlier.

Turning her attention away from Addidas and toward the case at hand, Nancy raced to the nearest sushi restaurant in downtown Minneapolis. As she sped by the Mississippi River, the water's odor surrounded her. A sign near the river specified that few fish should be eaten from its waters: mercury and other pollutants made fish unsafe.

"No wonder the sushi is curious here," she thought. "Minneapolis is no place to solve the world's case of the curious sushi."

There was only one thing to do: Nancy had to go to the gastronomical capital of France: Lyon. Besides being the gastronomical capital of France, Lyon offered the one thing that all ILSMs love: French women. When the ILSMs created their Code of Conduct, they based many of their rules on the general behavior of French women: be thin; always seem slightly unhappy (but in a way that is still sexy, still encourages dates to constantly strive to please); replace meals with coffee and cigarettes; speak with incredibly sexy international accents (e.g.); dress to prove the perfection of their arms, legs, and breasts; and scoff at those who will never be quite as good looking.

Nancy called Sophie, one of the very sexiest ILSMs in Minneapolis. "I am going to Lyon," Nancy said, "to solve the Case of the Curious Sushi."

Sophie agreed to stay in Minneapolis and report all ILSM gossip, mysteries, and sexual exploits.

Nancy was thrilled to know she would soon be surrounded by women just like her. But, she feared: would she still be sexy compared to French women? Would she still be better than those around her? Thinking of French women, imagining them running, in slow motion, through parks and squares; smoking cigarettes; and speaking, defiantly, in angelic French accents, Nancy needed a cigarette.

A perfectly lit cocaine-laced cigarette in hand, Nancy spun her motorcycle in a daring, and, consequently, incredibly sexy U-turn and drove to the airport.

When she entered the highway, the street's uneven pavement bounced Nancy's motorcycle and, horrifically, her breasts: "Merde," she thought, "ou est ma brassiere ?" Though Nancy was not yet in France, she was so international that her thoughts already evolved into her future home language.

Meanwhile, in the panda cage, Addidas dressed, closing her eyes and remembering the night she spent with Nancy. Addidas knew that she could not simply return to Nancy's side and that she could never again admit her feelings without some sort of excuse. Looking up into the sky above, begging for such an excuse, Addidas saw it: Nancy's brassiere was hanging from a tree branch. Their last night's embrace had been so wild, even for zoo standards, that clothing had been thrown into the air and Nancy's brassiere was lost among the Oaks. Addidas climbed the lucky Oak, her calves flexing into perfection, her legs wrapping around the tree's trunk in a way that would make any man jealous, and retrieved the brassiere.

Addidas phoned Sophie and learned of Nancy's plan to travel to Lyon. There was only one solution: Addidas and Nancy would solve the Case of the Curious Sushi together in Lyon.

Against all rules of ILSMs and French women, Addidas smiled.

The morning after.

Nancy and Addidas embraced for what seemed like the duration of one "Baywatch" episode. "Baywatch" is how all ILSMs measure everything, including time (episode duration), breast size (C.J. Parker), sexy arms (see, e.g., Stephanie Holden), and, occasionally, for the sake of awareness and choosing acquaintances who will buy them drinks, male attractiveness (Mitch Buchannon).

But, when Nancy and Addidas opened their blue and gray eyes, respectively, they realized the sun was rising. They had spent the night together, giving in to their desires that they so often refused to satisfy. One of the cornerstones of the ILSM Code of Conduct is that ILSMs never spend the night. Even worse, they never spend the night in a true state of happiness and satisfaction, knowing, undoubtedly, they would never want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. This was unacceptable, as ILSMs should always be unsatisfied, always needing additional attention, always knowing they could be somewhere better with someone sexier, more aware of their needs. For the first time, Nancy and Addidas were both truly content.

Nancy wished she had more time with Addidas, more time to lie, "big" [skinny] spoon, by her side. But, the Mystery of the Curious Sushi was pending and Nancy never let a mystery go unsolved.

Nancy dressed, starting with her black laced panties. Addidas watched while lying on the ground of the Panda cage. In one last attempt to bring Nancy back, Addidas grabbed Nancy's hand and looked into her eyes, hoping Nancy would succumb further to their desires and join Addidas. Addidas was considered by the ILSM community to be the bravest, strongest ILSM alive. But, her desperate attempt to bring Nancy back and to leave the Case of the Curious Sushi unsolved showed Nancy that Addidas' reputation did not represent the woman. Nancy, a young, but truly courageous ILSM, kissed Addidas' hand and let it go. As Nancy walked away from the zoo, she knew that she may never again have the opportunity to feel last night's passion. A single tear ran from one of Nancy's flawless blue eyes, but then she took a deep breath, lit a cocaine-laced cigarette and remembered: she was an ILSM and she had work to do.

Nancy reapplied her mascara and walked through the gates of the zoo.