Let there be a dinner party.

Nancy spent the car ride gazing gracefully, yet intently, at SAM. SAM was a ILSM sex goddess in all possible descriptions. If "Baywatch" had featured SAM, it would still be on the air. Instead, the show's lead director, a man, was too intimidated by SAM's beauty and too perplexed by her complete independence from men. As a man, the director had never known a woman who, like SAM, never needed the assistance of men. A man's compliments did nothing for her. At a perfect supermodel height of 6'2, SAM never needed a man to reach items for her at the grocery store (*if* she ever did go to the grocery store, which she didn't); her perfectly sculpted arms could carry anything a man could carry; and, as La Tantesse's favorite ILSM, SAM was never in need of a man's money to pay for her clothing or cocaine addiction. So, the director went with slightly less sexy actresses who were known for many things, including being both sexy and sleeping with men. This was an error that the director regretted in 2000 when "Baywatch" went off the air and it is an error that ILSMs, who lived for "Baywatch," will never forgive.

Though Nancy had only yesterday been in the arms of Addidas, her travels across the Atlantic and consumption of nearly a pound of cocaine led to a sudden realization that it was not Addidas who Nancy desired. It was SAM. SAM came to France from Guadeloupe, handpicked by La Tantesse on one of La Tantesse's world-wide ILSM-recruiting vacations. La Tantesse generally met ILSMs in places known for their sex appeal, like Minnesota and Argentina. But when La Tantesse met SAM, who was only 13 at the time, nonchalantly selling flowers on the street corner of Guadeloupe to lines of men stretching for miles, La Tantesse recognized that SAM would soon be one of the most beautiful ILSMs to ever fight crime. La Tantesse took young SAM back with her to France and taught her everything she needed to know about being a ILSM sex goddess. Now, at 29, SAM weights 17 pounds less than she did at 13 and is La Tantesse's greatest achievement. SAM is perfect in every way. And, riding in the Jaguar, Nancy imagined that it was not La Tantesse's hand on her upper thigh, but instead SAM's.

Though Nancy was truly international in every sense of the word, she doubted her French speaking abilities. SAM recognized Nancy's slight hesitance of speaking the French language and, ever gracefully, spoke to Nancy in English. SAM's English, though her 14th language, was impeccable. Every sentence was fully considered before stated. Every word created beautiful images of a reality seen through pre-released 2010 collection Armani bug-shaped sunglasses. Her accent was a perfect coupling of two perfect items (like the perfect animal combination of panda-Shih Tzu): French Caribbean and international supermodel.

The Svens stopped the Jaguar in front of the Tunisian's shop. They returned shortly thereafter with heavily cocaine-laced kebabs and large bottles of wine. ILSMs in Lyon eat only one thing: cocaine-laced kebabs. The cocaine counteracts any calories and kebabs are, as everyone knows, simply delicious.

While average women with average, drab clothing sat on the curb eating their regular, calorie-filled kebabs, the Svens drove La Tantesse and her beauties to the home of La Tantesse herself. The three women would eat the kebabs together tonight.

Nancy, a young ILSM, had never attended an ILSM dinner party and had absolutely never attended a dinner party with anyone as sexy as her new friend from Guadeloupe.

Nancy knew that this would be a dinner party she would never forget.