Riding in the seat of honor of Sven's mobile task force was the Agent known, for this mission, as Madam Mordo. Mordo was not an ILSM. Besides her beauty, Mordo was nothing like the ILSMs. She hated lesbians after accidentally falling in love with her female roommate in college and subsequently getting dumped for a vegan acting major. Gross. Now, Mordo works for Sven, hoping to one day obtain vengence against Melanie Clatanoff, the worst roommate ever. That bitch. The car stopped in the swirling darkness.
"It is time," Sven said fattly to Mordo, "you know your mission: seduce them. Destroy them."
Mordo stepped cooly from the car and approached La Tantesse's door.
Inside the citadel, the girls had already tired of the standard ILSM naked pillow fight.
"Let's call in an Orgy, lady," SAAM declared.
"Lesbians!," La Tantesse announced, "an Orgy!"
ILSMs dropped their pillows and lept into action. They called Sparrow, Vulture, and other ILSMs. Sparrow and Vulture, lesbian twin sisters, were experts in hosting orgies. Little did the ILSMs know that Mordo had tapped La Tantesse's phone. Mordo now knew that an orgy would take place. Mordo loves orgies. But who doesn't?
Mordo rang the doorbell as Sven's evil motorcade slipped away into the night. SAAM answered. Standing before SAAM's eyes was a woman so beautiful she shimmered like angel dust in the wind.
"Oslo is cold in December," said Mordo.
"Quite," responded SAAM, "but in Amsterdam, you learn to fly. Come right in."
SAAM led Mordo into the living room where the ILSMs already were changing into their Santa lingerie. None of the lesbians recognized Mordo, but all dismissed their concerns and assumed that her angel-dust body was that of an ILSM. All but Nancy.
"Where did you say you came from, again," asked Nancy.
"Minnesota," said Mordo.
As ILSMs stared at Mordo in confusion, Mordo continued: "Do you know Chicago?" All nodded. "It's just west of there. Nobody knows where it is. Don't worry about it."
No one did, except Nancy. Nancy was new to the ILSM world, but as a Minnesota ILSM, she knew that Mordo was not a Minnesota ILSM. To check, Nancy politely asked Mordo a question no ILSM could ever answer incorrectly:
"Would you like some hot dish?"
Mordo scanned her drug-addicted brain for this strange Minnesota vocabulary. "Casserol," she thought, "Yes! That's it!"
But Mordo knew that ILSMs of Minnesota only ate their mothers' hot dishes. "Non, thank you," she replied, so as to politely inform Nancy that Mordo stood as no threat to Nancy's mother's hot dish. But, Mordo's training was incomplete.
Nancy knew that while "hot dish" could mean casserole, it secretly also meant "sexy ILSM orgy Santa outfit." Mordo was wrong to say "non." Nancy was on to her.
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